How Baby Formula Caused a Stoic Moment

Kwame and I wishes everybody happy International Womans day! And for this special day, we have a bonus episode for you. "Have you ever felt like you've failed at something that should come naturally? We’re sharing a personal story about how my struggle with breastfeeding led to an unexpected Stoic breakthrough.

This article isn't just for parents—it's for anyone who's ever had to surrender their expectations to find unexpected strength. Stay with us as we explore how sometimes our greatest moments of growth come wrapped in what feels like failure." Listen to how babyformula caused a stoic moment. Enjoy!

How Baby Formula Caused a Stoic Moment

Being a first-time mum is many things. It's the most wonderful experience in the world, giving me the strongest feeling of love and caring I have ever felt. Seeing this perfect creature in my arms and just wanting to give them everything I can. And more.

In this blog post, I'm going to share an episode from the baby bubble and connect it to Stoicism. It's a meta-conversation about how I managed to turn negative emotions into strength using two principles from the philosophy. But first, let me describe what sent me on an emotional rollercoaster before I managed to calm the troubled waters.

They're not gaining enough weight

Breastfeeding my baby started off pretty easily after delivery. I was worried about breastfeeding after attending a course about it. Like a true Stoic, I love gathering all the information and practicing before I'm about to do something new, hence I thought this course would prepare me. That was before I understood that breastfeeding is a true science.

Our teacher, who must be a professor on the topic, talked so easily and freely about breasts and milk and how the milk comes through the breasts and out of the nipple, that my head started spinning. Making a long lecture short: the trick is to get the milk from its deposits in the breast out, using different techniques. Well, I came out of that course more confused and scared. What if I can't feed my baby? I was already thinking that baby formula was the lesser choice.

Well, my baby knew what to do, and letting them go to town on my tits made the whole experience easy. They guided me, and only a few days after birth, we were breastfeeding and happy. For a while.

In Norway, the amount of follow-up after birth regarding feeding and mental health is amazing. A day after we came home, this breastfeeding professor came to our house (!), cawled up on the sofa with me, arranging me and the pillows giving my arms perfect support and showed me how to breastfeed correctly. She gave me all the confidence I needed and made me so thankful.

Feeling like a star for a few weeks, weight check after weight check showed that our baby wasn't gaining enough. "If this doesn't turn around, we must start giving her extra," the doctor said. "Come back next week."

It's not easy to explain why this made me cry and feel real sadness. It was like learning I could not feed my baby. Me, the mother, the one who is supposed to manage these basic needs. Here is where my Stoic preparation started.

Stoic Stillness and Preparation

Going out of the doctor's office, I felt the tears building. Kwame was going back to work and telling me this is doable, the most important thing is that the baby gets full. He was being very supportive, but I found myself struggling with my own emotions, and when this happens, I need stillness to get my feelings under control.

Taking the baby for a walk, I had a little cry. I had my sunglasses on, passing people with tears running down my face. I was so into my own emotions that I couldn't care less who saw me in that state. I decided to "feel all the feels."

However, I also started fairly quickly to talk to myself about breastfeeding and baby formula. Asking myself, why is this so important to you? If the goal is for the baby to gain weight, why not use all the tools in the toolbox?

Slowly but surely, I used the walk to prepare myself for the next weight check. I made a clear and conscious decision that if we had to start with formula, I would be okay with it. I prepared myself to think about it as a task that I needed to solve, the most important task in my life right now. I felt both motivation and happiness after this. I had successfully changed my mindset from sad and defeated to motivated and driven.

We managed to gain the correct amount after that, but the week after, returning for another check-up, the curve flattened out again. I was ready to start with the formula and haven't looked back since. Our baby eats much more and sleeps so much better. She seems calmer and more content. Now both Kwame and I can share in the feeding, and it is honestly nice to share that responsibility. It also gives me the opportunity to shower a bit longer!

Stoic Resilience

We explore resilience a lot in our blog. In Norway now, resilience is one of the most important skills we can give young children, and that perspective is used in training programs designed for children who struggle with anxiety and low self-esteem.

When adversity hits, and it will, how will you react? Blaming the world and digging a hole you cannot climb out of? Or facing it head on? Building Stoic resilience helps.

Resilience is shaped through difficult experiences, but it takes a conscious mindset. Knowing that you can only change what is in your control gives a sort of freedom in dire straits. You can't always control what the world throws at you, but you can control your reaction. Maybe you need a cry like me or a walk alone to clear your head. Maybe the best way for you is to talk the problem through with someone you trust and whose advice you value.

I define resilience as the ability to maintain self-care in hardship. It's a way of soothing yourself when times are tough. Telling yourself that what you are experiencing is difficult, but you've got this. For me, acknowledging my feelings can be a form of self-care: "Wow, Maryam, feeling that you are not a good enough mother is a terrible place to be, of course you're crying."

Sometimes we need to stay a bit in the dirt before we can get out. Accepting that something feels bad and makes you sad is not the same as being conquered by the situation. I think we need to know what we are up against to truly fix the problem.

Interestingly enough, when I told my friends that we needed to start on formula, five of them had had the same experience. I didn't know that 5 out of 6 other mums had to use formula for their babies. This knowledge alone brought comfort and perspective to my situation. I felt the communal support I didn’t know I needed. #Ubuntu.

The audio version of this blogpost is available on Spotify