Reflecting on Childhood Memories and Family Roles

Reflect on who you are today and what shaped you into that person. Perhaps you’ve had a strong sense of self since childhood, or maybe you've put in the hard work through manifesting, meditating, and making positive choices. You may even have had to let go of certain people and habits to create a life that suits you.

Now, envision yourself in a family setting, whether it's a dinner, Christmas Eve, or a casual Sunday with your parents and siblings. Despite the personal growth I’ve achieved in cultivating a "Namaste" attitude, family is the one thing that can throw me off balance. I often find myself reverting to that fourteen year old girl. For instance, when my mother asks me to turn off the bathroom lights or lower the stove heat while cooking potatoes, I respond defensively, "I’m grown up; you don’t need to tell me!" When my father questions my choice of sweater, I snap, "Yes, shut up!" In moments like these, the dragon of impatience within me is ready to unleash its fire, and I forget all about my cultivated Zen.

Returning to our roots can sometimes lead us back to old habits and reactions. Anger is an emotion I've known well since childhood. I appreciated this emotion; for a long time, it defined me, making me fearless and outspoken. It empowered me to stand up for myself and others, serving as a motivating force in my pursuit of dreams. However, when I find myself back with family, that anger often manifests in its least admirable form: petty, bitter, and self-indulgent. I become consumed by it. How dare you ask me if I’ve updated my car insurance. I know how to live!

In a way, the role I held in my family while growing up still lingers, even though I have genuinely changed. It is only in these familial settings that my adolescent self re-emerges, the girl I thought I could control. When I tell my mother not to worry too much, she reminds me that as my mother, it’s her job to care. So perhaps I'm still that young daughter at heart.

Some relationships remain unchanged, and this Saturday morning, I reflect on how to embrace that reality rather than resist it. Being the bratty girl around my closest family doesn’t diminish my personal growth; it simply shows that my roots run deep. We can be both roots and feet, grounded while still moving forward. How’s that for balance? Have a wonderful Saturday!